Recognising and supporting carers in the community
Zibiah Loakthar, our Cuimhne Coordinator writes:
Our Irish in Britain community includes many carers.
A carer: “someone who provides unpaid care and support to a family member or friend who has a disability, illness, mental health condition, addiction, or who needs extra help as they grow older”.
This year Carers Week focuses upon communities coming together to recognise the huge contribution unpaid carers make to society.
Many of us provide unpaid care without self-identifying as a “carer”. We may see supporting a relative or friend as just something we do out of a sense of care, friendship, neighbourliness, love, duty and responsibility.
There can be wonderful and rewarding aspects for being a carer: deepening love, respect and friendship, a sense of purpose and of doing something supportive and helpful, making a difference and feeling useful. Through caring we can learn from each other and develop new skills and perspectives on life. We may enrich others lives through caring but also enrich our own too.
Caring, without adequate support, can be mentally, emotionally and physically tough. It can be a role we fall into by surprise rather than one we have sought out.
We may step forward in response to situations life throws at us without much planning, or prior knowledge of what kind of skills and time a caring role might entail.
Practical care of another person’s physical needs can be tiring. So too can navigating under-resourced welfare and health care systems and services advocating for another person’s needs.
dementia
With progressive diseases like dementia, a friend or relative’s support needs may increase over time. We may find the inner resilience and outer support to be able to respond to these developing needs, but may come to find caring increasingly challenging.
We may become absorbed in caring for someone else, not noticing the impact on our own time, well-being and ability to care for ourselves and maintain other social relationships. We may become aware of how demanding the role may have become only when we reach a crisis point.
What can we do as a community to support people in caring roles well ahead of any crisis point?
There may be lots of things we can do to step forward and support people in caring roles. Perhaps the first thing to understand is that we can step forward and offer some practical support or a listening ear, without waiting for people to ask.
We can be mindful of the barriers that may prevent people from asking for help, including:
Not recognising that help could be useful until reaching a crisis point
Not knowing who or how to ask for help
Feeling foolish to ask for with things we feel we ought to be able manage ourselves
Desire for privacy or protection of another’s privacy
Not feeling that anyone would wish to help
Fear of being judged as incompetent
Fear that the person we care for might be rehomed away from us if we are unable to show we can care well for them
Fear that asking for help might be misinterpreted as an indication of not being committed to the person we care for
Worry that asking for help will cause the person guilt and suggest the idea that their needs are a burden on others
Embarrassment about imposing on other people’s time
As a community we could help dismantle some of these barriers by
- proactively reaching out to people, asking if there is anything practical we could do to help; not being afraid to ask this question sensitively again as time passes and situations change
- opening up spaces for community conversations that help people to identify as carers and access more support
- recognising that the Covid-19 pandemic has increased the number of people taking on caring roles in our community and considering new projects to meet emerging and changing needs in our communities
- signposting people, impacted by the cost-of-living crisis and challenge of continuing paid jobs due to care responsibilities, to welfare information and support services and thinking how we make our community social activities accessible on low income in sensitive ways
-letting people who are caring know that the challenges they may be experiencing are recognised. By advocating collectively for better support services people can feel the support of the community behind them when raising issues about gaps in services
- respecting people for all they are doing and enabling people to recognise their limits and draw their own boundaries without feeling judged
- coordinating community talks and learning workshops to support people to care safely. Our Cuimhne team is pleased to offer workshops on Understanding Dementia and our Cuimhne video resources are available online for screening in a community settings
- tailoring accessible support for carers eg running a peer support group space for family carers in a parallel to activities for people living with dementia or creating a community activity that people can join around their care support responsibilities
- inviting people who find themselves at a loss with new time on their hands (for instance due to the person they have been caring for 24/7 moving into a care home) to join community social activities and accessible volunteering opportunities.
- encouraging people to see caring for themselves as an important aspect of caring for others eg sharing our Cuimhne Carers video: You Can’t Pour From An Empty Cup: Self Care for Carers
- reminding people caring for others that they themselves are valued in their own right and their needs, ideas and wishes are important too!
- recognising that carers are experts by experience and that people’s situations and perspectives may be individual and unique. Finding ways to listen closely to the voices of carers and enabling these voices to influence the shapes of our projects rather than assuming we as communities know what projects and services carers really need!
- encouraging people to explore our Cuimhne Carer resources here.